Here's to the real last.

I do not know what is going on to the world lately. But it seems like many of my friends come to me, asking for a relationship advice. Some of them are facing with unrequited love, and some of them struggling really hard to save their long-term relationship.

But that is not the issue that i wanted to highlight here. It is the way i comfort them. "If you want to cry, just cry. Do not hold it in. Cry yourself out, i promise it will make you feel a lot better. Do not be ashamed of what you're feeling, you deserve to feel any way you want." And i always remind them, if they need an ear to listen. I'll be right there for them.

But when it comes to me, now. I do not even follow my own advice. I just keep everything bottled up inside. To be honest, i do feel like crying right now. But im trying my hardest not to burst into tears. I usually cry myself to sleep, or in the shower at least. It is very hard for me to cry infront of people. But last night, was a different story. It was just me in the room, but still. I didnt let myself cry, i tried to hold it in, only god knows how i felt last night.

I dont even know what is wrong with me lately. Probably because im started to get tired to keep up with the same bullshit that i've been dealing with over the years. I feel like it doesnt worth my tears anymore.

I guess this is the right time to build up a wall, put my guard up, and move on. I give up. Here, the white flag. I do not want to feel what im feeling anymore. It hurts, and im getting sick of it. I give up.